Burping Babies

Revenge is a dish best served cold, garnished with a little unnecessary banter.

Being the eldest kid in the family, I have seen almost all my brothers and sisters as infants, unconsciously registering little quirks now and then.The quirks of being a baby. And so we visited my aunt, to celebrate as the family welcomed another little child into the world. We spent the whole evening cooing over the said baby. The first half was spent arguing who the baby looked like and people took sides. The conflict was imminent and no one stopped to say what difference does it make.

Then the baby was passed around and jogged on the knee and passed around some more, ad no one asked the baby what he felt being shoved from hand to hand. I am sure if babies could talk, they would have a thing or two to say about being tickled on the tummy and chuckled under the chin and suffering people making ridiculous sounds in their faces. How would you like someone doing "kitchey kitchey koo" to you all evening?

And then there are advent-age parents manning all stations, tracking the baby's sounds like a radar controller keeping a check on the traffic at an airport; all the electric gizmos going full beep. 'Look darling he's gurgling again'. At which she leaps up and rushes to the baby, and turns to the congregation and says, he gurgled! Did you hear him gurgle?This is a signal for the rest to engage in a marveling debate on gurgles and +babies. The father, by far the most fatuous element in the baby syndrome, then proceeds to tell you that his baby, unlike other babies his age, recognizes people because he smiles in response and he is only three months old, three months can you believe it!!

Now if you are one of those rude, unfeeling people who believe there is a stopping point in enthusiasm for baby talk, you say, he's not smiling it's probably just gas. So a solemn friend of the father's remarks, he's not smiling, it has tummy troubles. This immediately prompts a discussion on the difference between gas smiles and natural smiles.

And while that poor guy still cannot believe what's happening to him and is trying to figure the reason behind all this treacherous blighter. In the mean time, the baby in his hands, looked at him and began to howl, which brought the  mother rushing to the baby's defense and the grandfather, once a mean sergeant in the army, stared at him and accusingly said, he didn't like that guy from the start itself, my grandson never cries otherwise.

Something else, I suppose, went down the drain that day. I sensed the faint smell of a twenty year old friendship. +Ouch. Then as the victimized uncle wrestled with this indictment, I hear someone else re-route the conversation back to square one by saying, there is no question he looks just like his mother, someone else says, I think he is feeling cold. No, says the mother, he only kicks his legs when he is warm.

Nonsense, says the daddy, he does that when he is hungry, you've got to watch him eat, it's a treat.

This last is said to the guests who then get all excited about their major entertainment, as if it were two tickets to the world cup finals and the paraphernalia is brought out so our little dimkums can have his cerelac or whatever goo babies are fed these days, There are bibs with +Mickey Mouse motifs and plastic cups with +Minnie Mouse grinning at you, and spoons and potties and ringers and soothers and other support systems so you'd think they were moving house rather than feeding the baby mashed bananas.

Finally the kid has had his fill and at this point everyone goes in red alert. HE MUST BURP.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on how best babies are burped. 

On the tummy. 

Standing up. 

Topsy turvy. 

Thump on the back. 

Pat on the shoulder. 

Rub him down. 

Sshh, quiet, says dad, we've got to hear him burp. 

Silence collides with suspense.

Was that a burp?

No, it was a hiccup.

Sshh, again.

What's that ,I am sure that was a burp.

Nope, false alarm.

This goes on for several minutes. Some babies hold out till everyone is on their knees begging them, please, please get that burp out, make our day.

I think it's the baby's way of getting even for all the hassling it gets from adults. The baby was secretly happy. Probably, the same cannot be said for that still solemn uncle.